I hate resolutions. ‘New year, new you’ is a lie. If you were going to make radical changes to your life, you would not wait for the first day of a new year to do so. You would just do it. The fact that we procrastinate and decide to make a resolution to do it is that we are scared of the changes. I have been scared of getting myself going for a long time. I’m afraid that if I put myself out there fully in the field I want to succeed in, and I fail, I have no back-up ambitions.
Last year was a good year. I started doing performance poetry, which is such a rush, whether it goes well or not. We took the magazine to new heights. We got noticed by a couple of big names. We went to the Fringe festival and met some incredible people. There was too much to mention here just now but I’m sure more will come into my mind as I start to sit here more and more.
I hate resolutions but I have made a few. I have been struggling to make big changes to my life for a while now. It seems every day is a struggle against the fear of getting out there but every day I wake up, sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, and I try again. This is my official, ‘new year, new me’ start to keeping my resolutions.
For the next 365 days I will be writing a poem every day. Sometimes they will be based on something that is happening that day, like a national holiday or celebration. Sometimes it may be a little more esoteric. At the end of the month, I will be going back and editing to see if there are any I can keep. Most of them will probably be scrapped or recycled but I just want to write more. Here is the first one, untitled as it is.
Keep on picking
up the pieces. Allow them their
justice, for what it is and
is not. What it
certainly is not. They will
hold your head under water if you let them,
Always let them.
Give yourself over and over and over.
Use the impotence wisely. The time will come to
land your first blow
ignite the torches
and watch them burn.