Editor Christopher Writes – A Poem A Day For A Year: 21/01/15

I had another job interview today. I walked into the room at 9am and the chap interviewing me was having his breakfast, dressed in combat pants and a hoody. He was a proper gent, wide-boy I think they call them. Down to earth but knew his stuff about the business. We went through all the usual garb – about his business, about my employment history, about why I want a new job. It was all fairly standard.

At one point though, I was talking about job stability, and how that is important today, as we all need to know where our next meal / rent payment / pint is coming from. I mentioned that the role with his company would be better suited to my own need for job stability as Keri and I are ‘looking for a kid’. Now, that is quite a sinister thing to say. ‘We are looking for a kid’. It sounds like I need a regular income to fuel the windowless van in which we patrol the local playgrounds. Obviously, what I meant was ‘we are looking to have children in the future.’ He knew what I meant. That did not, however, stop me from repeating it 3 times. If my foot is going in my mouth, all the toes are being squeezed in there.

We moved on, thankfully, to other parts of my CV. He paid particular attention to the work I do here at Bunbury, and seemed really interested. I mentioned we have an interview in the pipeline with a musician, who is also an actor. Now, normally when I explain who he is I have to first ask if they have heard of the show he is bet known for. Most people haven’t, even though it was massively popular when it ran. I think it is more of a cult show now. If they have heard of the show, the remember him because he was fairly prominent but, by and large, people are…well, ignoramuses!

Anyway, I mentioned his name straight off, just to test the water. Mentioned him only as a musician. The interviewer knew exactly who I was talking about and is a massive fan of the show. He got really excited and envious about the news we are interviewing this actor. This led on to a broader discussion about television shows, which you know I love.

I walked out of the interview feeling really good about my chances. I have pinned quite a few hopes on getting this job. I know I shouldn’t but I need an out from where I am now. I am still struggling with my brain stuff and I think a change like that will do me a hell of a lot of good.

I know I said I would tackle #meninism today but it has gotten quite late again. I have said it before but I am going to start doing these blogs earlier. Use it as a way to get myself going at the start of the day. Maybe one day I’ll catch up to Richard Herring. I don’t know how he has managed to write one every day for twelve years. I’ve seen and heard most of everything he has ever done and he only has about three things to say. His podcast should have been called As It Reoccurs To Me. I am a massive fan of his though. I have to add that just in case he reads this. Hey Richard, I travelled up to Edinburgh especially for the Fringe Special of AIOTM (aiotm). I’ve seen you live four times. Send me some free stuff. Or come do an interview with us about a new podcast. You could do one about, oh, I don’t know, bees. Bee 1 vs Bee 2. I genuinely think you could make that work.

Here is a poem. Today’s prompt is the word ‘valetudinarian’. It was my mother’s chosen word for Do The Write Thing. She read it in a book and now she thinks she is clever. Hey mum, do you know how to work your mop yet? (I know she reads this.)

Valeria blows her nose precisely

every thirteen minutes. She studies the contents

of each tissue before jotting her findings

down in a notepad – colour, texture,


The side of the notepad has coloured tabs

sticking out, dividing it into sections.

The section for ‘nose blowing’

has a green label.

The also has yellow, brown

and, periodically, a red label.

Her husband Ian sometimes likes

to play jokes on Valerie.

Every so often, he puts super-glue

on her tissues so when

she blows her nose,

it stuck to her hands.

Well, he tells her it’s was super-glue.

Valerie never gets annoyed,

she takes it in good humour.

She cares about Ian’s health,

that is why her note-pad also

has a white label –

smell, texture, taste.

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