Editor Christopher Writes – A Poem A Day For A Year: 23/01/15

Oh my god, we have news. Bunbury Magazine has some amazing news. This news is so fantastic I can barely hold it in. I need to tell you all. You’ll wet yourself. you really. I promise you will absolutely fill your underwear with wee once I tell you what the news is.

I can’t tell you though. It is still early doors on the news and I do not want to jinx it by revealing it to you all. If it falls through, I would look mightily silly indeed.

But I have to tell you. I honestly do. It’s too good. This news is, WOW!

No, I mustn’t.

So I said I wanted to take a look at this #menimism furore that kicked off this week. As you have seen in earlier posts, I have a problem with feminism (to summarise here, it is hypocritical and going in a direction that a lot of women do not actually agree with.) The direction feminism has gone in is just to attack men, more and more. I have been in a room full of feminists and it can be very uncomfortable at times. At times, it can be hilarious. Here is a dialogue of one such encounter, when I was studying English at university. There were 15 people in my tutor group. I was the only male. Here’s now that went.

Tutor: So today we’re looking at the feminist model of reading. Ok, Christopher. You’re the man in the room. What do you think of feminism.

Christopher: I agree with feminism, I really do. I fully believe women should be treated as if they are equal.

A hush falls over the room followed my muttering and contention.

Tutor: What is that supposed to mean?

Christopher: It was a joke.

Tutor: A joke at the expense of feminism? I happen to be a very staunch feminist myself.

Christopher: So you are all for equality then?

Tutor: Of course I bloody am.

Christopher: Well, I would take the piss out of anyone else so, all things being equal, why should I not take the piss out of feminists too?

Tutor: Well…

Christopher: Unless you want me to treat you different because you are a feminist, a woman. Is that what you want? But that would be sexist wouldn’t it?

Tutor: I think we should leave this for now.

Christopher sits back in his chair with a smile on his face.

Tutor: So, Charmaine, who do you think are some really strong feminist idols?

Charmaine: Well, I think Paris Hilton and Katie Price are great roles models for women.

End of scene.

Paris Hilton and Katie Price?! Are you kidding me? And I got rebuked for making a little joke which I would have followed up with a serious answer? Clearly, ‘Charmaine’ is an absolute, 100% moron. (and having spent almost a year of tutorials in a room with her, I know that to be true.)

So, feminists, are the hardcore ones, attack men. There is only so much attacking a group of people can take. We all know women know have the power. Men cannot do a thing because it could be called sexist. We have to walk on egg shells at every turn. Women have won. Or at least, in decent society they have (I know I am not a standard cross-section of today’s society but I have never won against a woman. Apart from in a ‘having a penis’ contest, and even then it was close. Sadly, I also won the ‘biggest boobs round too!)

So yes, the men-folk of the internet created #menimism. As I said, women have won, they are the dominant force. As with any dominant force, they will be subject to ridicule (look at how we poke fun at the aristocracy, royal family, members of parliament.) Yes, #menimism was created by idiots and appropriated by morons. But are the women who have come out and blazed about it not just as bad as the men who came out and criticised feminism?

I know there is a dark side to this whole thing but that is something I do not want to get into. As you know, I have a real problem with the way society is shaped. The media has filled our heads with unrealistic, disgusting concepts of the ideal body, for both men and women. And that is something this whole thing can start to address seriously.

There was a picture of a random dude holding up a sign which read ‘I need menimism because the movie ‘Magic Mike’ promotes and unrealistic expectation of how men’s bodies should look.’ Now, I know at least some of feminism revolves around female body issues and how the world should accept women regardless of body shape. I personally prefer curves and cannot abide skeletal, sow-faced women. Yet the media brainwashes us into thinking the thinner we are the better we are. Apart from (actually quite a  few) cases where big booties and hips and stuff are seen as wildly sexy.

As for men though, men are not accepted, on the whole, regardless of body type. We are made to feel like if we do not conform to THAT ONE body type – the David Beckham / Calvin Klein hunk – we are disgusting and need to spend every waking moment in the gym with a bag over our head.

There is a complete imbalance there. Women, we love you for who you are, regardless. Why can’t you do the same for us?

*Disclaimer: The body issue aspect of #menimism is the only thing I endorse. I will not be buying the t-shirt or going to a rally. I think the other ‘ideals’ of menimism are wholly inappropriate and is being promoted by idiots.

Here is a poem.

Hoof-prints of fire dance and flicker

across sky void of all colour.

Lung-puncturing screams

make the air dense – onlookers falling to the ground

clutching ears vomiting blood.

The drains spew cockroaches

and excrement into the street.

Across the horizon, flocks of all

manner of birds falls from flight,

vivid red polka dot patterns visible from above.

The first born dies, then the second and

third and so on until every generation

of every family in every town in

every country on every continent

across the globe have been

blotted from existence. This is the smallest pennence

for what we have created. Should

anyone survive to see this apocalyptic

playground, they will be forced to

live at the bottom of the oceans,

immortal yet unable to breathe underwater,

drowning over and over for an eternity.

This is the shape of things to come,

of things that shall pass if we continue

down this blighted path.

‘Oh behave, will you. It’s not the

end of the world if I want to watch

Jeremy Kyle, is it?’

(P.S – I did start writing a poem before this one but half way through I realised I had accidentally written the theme tune for ‘Um Bongo’.)

While you are here, please take the time to visit our lovely friends over at ShortStops. They have been so damn nice to us. They have a wealth of resources there, plenty of magazines to delve into, including our own! Drop them a line and tell them we sent you. It’ll be a nice surprise for them!

Once again, while you are here, the latest issue and all previous issues of Bunbury Magazine are available for your discerning reading pleasure right here – Bunbury Magazine – All the Issues

Also, feel free to come and check out our brand-new, half-finished website for a sneak peek behind the scenes of what we are doing:bunburymagazine.com

And if you would like to help us make it better, there is a short survey here. Because we want to make Bunbury as shiny as possible for you! Click the link here – Bunbury Readership Survey

One thought on “Editor Christopher Writes – A Poem A Day For A Year: 23/01/15”

  1. “Now, I know at least some of feminism revolves around female body issues and how the world should accept women regardless of body shape. I personally prefer curves and cannot abide skeletal, sow-faced women.”

    ok great i’m real glad that you’re here to tell us women what shape is most sexually palatable to you. thanks christopher.

    “So, feminists, are the hardcore ones, attack men. There is only so much attacking a group of people can take.”

    i really, really don’t think men are attacked in this society. are you implying that there will be some kind of men’s rights activists uprising soon? please let everyone know when, so i can flee the country

    ps meninism = misogyny

    pps i’m anonymous because i’m afraid you’ll get defensive and/or aggressive with me

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