Editor Christopher Writes – #PoemADayForAYear: 19/03/15

The essay is finally in. I am very relieved. If you remember from a previous post, I came very close to giving up on the module, and thus my degree. I came to the conclusion that this is something that cannot be done. I have spent too much time and money paying myself through the last three modules that have gotten me to within 2 months of graduating to give up now. This degree is seven years in the making. It would be like getting to within 200 yards of the finishing line of a marathon then turning around and running back to the start because you are too tired to make it to the end. Illogical and damnedably insane. If you remember, I broke through that barrier and realised that I am going to finish my degree. That was the hardest, darkest part and I got through it. Always darkest before the proverbial, as they say.

I had a moment like that with the assignment. I was ready to give up, especially when, as I was just about to save having finished the last 500 words of the main essay and done half of the 750 words secondary part of the assignment, I got The Blue Screen of Death on my laptop. I thought for a moment that I had been whisked away to the 1990’s but no. My laptop was just being a little bitch. When I booted it back up and found that nothing had been autosaved, I wanted to cry. What I did in actuality was have 2 cigarettes, 2 pop-tarts and watched an episode of The Good Wife. This calmed me down from the ledge of wanting to throw my laptop onto the twitching corpse of Ian Hewlitt Packard. Maybe my laptop was just jealous because I have a new one.

I found it in Cash Generator. I wouldn’t normally commit to buying something like this from a second hand shop but the times they have been tough recently and the specs on it are pretty damn good. I played about with it for half an hour when I put the deposit down it and it all seemed hunky-dory.

I left it for a while and finally, on Monday, I went to pay off the remaining balance. All in all, it cost me £200. It’s a sexy machine. It does all of the things. All of the good things laptops should. I say the specs are good, by the way.I think they are.

Anyway, I got it home and the first thing I did was format it. IT took about 12 hours to format. Now, it has a 1TB hard drive so I wasn’t expecting it to be a two-minute job but 12 hours? That can’t be right, surely? Once it had reloaded Windows and I set up the profile and what-not, I went to install Chrome. That took about an hour because the laptop was just crawling along. Everything I went to do to set it up for use took forever. After installing all the updates, I tried again and once again, it moved along at an alarmingly slow pace. Even loading the sign in page for Chrome once that had installed again took about 5 minutes!

Eventually, after two days of messing about with it, I decided I was not happy with it and wanted to take it back to get my money back, as I have the right to do. I went into the shop, they took it into the back and played about with it. They then called me over to the counter with it booted up and told me there was no fault with it so I couldn’t get my money back. I explained that I was told if I wasn’t happy with it this is exactly what I could do. The girl who served me stood there stone-faced as the manager told me that she didn’t say that. She had nothing to say on the matter. HE then started flicking between the desktop and the app page telling me it was fine. I explained to him that it is fine now because he isn’t really doing anything with it so asked him to open up some web pages and try doing things. He told me he couldn’t because they do not have wi-fi in the shop. Highly convenient. He then proceeded to, in a round-about way, call me a liar. I eventually stormed out of the shop with the laptop after 20 minutes of a very circular argument resigned to the fact I had wasted £200 on a laptop that did not work.

I told Keri about this, we had a short text conversation then went about our days again. Half an hour later she called me to tell me she had called Cash Generator and got them to agree to refund me. She took him to the Customer Refunds policy page online (I do not know how he got there if they do not have wi-fi in the store) and the first thing it says is that if a customer is not happy within seven days of purchase, they can have their money back. She was explaining the situation to him as he read this and he told her that he could not concentrate with her ‘moaning in his ear.’

I was not happy with the way he treated her but was happy to be getting my money back.

Since then, I have played about with it some more and found it to be working properly, or somewhere approaching properly. It seems to be warming up. True, there are still a few kinks. It ran very slowly before as I was uninstalling MacAffee and installing AVG Free but I put this down to the fact that I was doing these things simultaneously. I think it will be fine.

So yes, the manager of Cash Generator may have been right in that there was no fault with it. I hold my hands up to that but he lied to me about two different things, made a member of his staff complicit in his lie and insulted Keri. I do think a complaint shall be put in about him.

Here is a poem.

There are fewer peculiar sights

than seeing one’s face reflected

in the waning light of

ancient supernovas that inhabit the eye socket

of Death. In that one eternal moment,

whirl-pools of every emotion flood

from every pore, neuron, follicle.

Joy for being granted the chance to make

your mark on the world.

Sorrow and regret that you did not.

Anger that your time has been cut short,

relatively speaking. Why should turtles live to

be two-hundred when humans are limited to

an average of 70-or-so years?

Relief that the exhaustion of the hustle-bustle

of work and responsibility is over and you are

now at rest.

Guilt for all those moments in which you were

not all you could be.

Pride for all those moments where you were.

Sorrow at knowing you will never see your loved ones again.

Ecstasy that you had the fortune of knowing them, loving them.

Finally, you are sanguine.

This happens to us all.

We all face this particular curtain at some point or another.

At this moment, you can be grateful for all the moments that

were and even this moment that is.

You have come from the earth and its components and

it is to there you return for your ultimate reward,

to be granted in the afterlife,

the utopia of the soul, the chance to

feed the insects and be subject to necrophiliacs.

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