Currently sat watching Battle For Number 10. I’m not normally into politics but right now, as I am typing this, Paxman is interviewing Ed Milliband. It’s like watching The entire cast of The Expendables go up against the one from Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Or the entire cast of The Expendables go up against Ed Milliband. Sure, Milliband has some support. He’s got his brother fighting in his corner, surely? But you know it’s going to end with a very messy shower scene with unnecessary explosions.
Anyway, this has prompted me to carry on with my series of political poems. So…
here is a poem.
‘So, dear people,
as I have already said,
income tax will be set at a flat rate
of 40%, no matter whether your income is high or
low. Minimum wage will be £20 per hour.
There will be no zero-hour contracts.
There will be no national insurance.
The higher tax from your higher wages
will help to subsidise the national health
service, which will remain free.
There will be no benefits for those who are not able
to find work as jobs will be available for all,
no matter what qualifications or experience you have.
Higher education will be free and accessible for all,
should you choose to pursue it.
We will create these jobs by cutting the products
we import to zero. Everything will be manufactured
on our own soil. Revenue to cut the deficit
by exporting excess to other countries.
Unfortunately, there will be one sector that will suffer.
The motor industry. Those currently working in
that sector will have no trouble finding jobs
to match their skill-set. The reason for this huge cut
is because, dear people, in this country of ours,
cars will not be permitted, in order to meet
our pledges to reduce our carbon footprint.
Everyone will be issued state standard
space hoppers. This is why drawing pins will
have no place in this country.’